It Never Really Goes Away

August is a hard month. Sometimes you never quite get over a tragedy that happens in your young life. Mourning is a hard thing to deal with. We all do it differently, and it's so hard when you're really young and lose someone very close to you. We really don't understand a lot about death and mourning in our younger years.

I'll never forget the day, even though we had the best summer ever that year, she had been sick off and on with the flu. At one point her mom had taken her for some tests, she was admitted to Valley Childrens Hospital immediately. They called and told my mom and I that she had Leukemia and wouldn't be leaving the hospital again. She was being treated but she was really, really sick. I spent as much time with her as I could then. It was barely 2 weeks. 

Lisa passed and I was devastated. It was just a few weeks before starting 9th grade, a new year in high school! I felt so alone when we went back, even though I had a lot of close friends. I remember just praying that people wouldn't ask me about her. We were just barely 14 years old, such young girls! We were best friends and so very close. We spent every waking moment together. Up all night being silly, crank calls, munching on junk food and laughing. Words can't even describe the feelings I had. And to see my mom and dad witness me, their youngest girl, so devastated, I can't even imagine how hard it was for them too. 

I think I must have had dreams about her for years, I still do. I wasn't able to go to the cemetery until I was about 18 or 19. It was so hard to do, I think because I never really admitted to myself that she was gone. I think of her so often and wonder where she would be now. I don't get as sad but it sure does still hurt. Love and miss you always Lisa Duarte. Happy Birthday <3